New Mother Worries

I think I'm freaking out a little. Random things run through my head at night and make it impossible to fall asleep. I think things I'm feeling are probably normal, but I am abnormal when it comes to the amount of worrying I can do. I have so many things I need to do and can't get myself motivated to do them. Even when I see the list growing and staring me in the face every time I sit down.
- register at Baylor. I don't think this is hard...but then they're going to tell me how much out of pocket money I can expect to pay (which is almost all of it) and then it makes me not want to register any more. But then, what if I forget to do it and go into labor extra early - will they not admit me if I haven't preregistered? And I'll just have to have the baby in the car because there won't be enough time to get to another hospital?
- baby classes. I think I've decided that we are just going to bite the bullet and do a ONE day all day class "Preparing for Childbirth". It talks about breathing and relaxation techniques, coping and support techniques and the L & D process and takes you on a tour of the L & D unit. I think that's really the part I'm most excited about. But, since I've never had a kid before, I figured I should give this class a try. I've heard it's not like normal La Maze classes and a lot of people say you really forget about the techniques they tell you during the actual delivery and usually there is a nurse there to guide you. I dunno. What would you do?
- register for baby stuff. While this sounds VERY exciting, it's a bit overwhelming too. My precious husband has decided he'll leave those decisions up to me - which I'm sure some women would LOVE...except that I'm the type person that always wants a 2nd opinion. Especially when it comes to safety, i.e. car seats, cribs, pack and plays, strollers....the big ticket stuff. However, I think it will be a lot of fun to pick the stuff out and I'll really feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders after I get it done, because even if I don't get what I want...I'll know what I'm working for and can come back and get it later. Except that Babys R Us is HUGE. I'm pretty sure I can't get it all done in a day because walking around for long periods of time is exhausting and hurts my legs and back. (which is a little worrisome too...is that normal?! and do I just get progressively MORE tired as the pregnancy goes on?)

Also...a side note - people always tell you your 2nd trimester is the best...I'm sure that's assuming your first was horrible with sickness. My 1st, I hardly even KNEW i was pregnant (I mean, i knew, but had no physical symptoms other than my boobs growing). My 2nd, EVERYTHING is growing and I'm dealing with a changing body and learning to adjust for the new weight. And the new weight....OH! I hate looking at a scale and seeing it's getting higher and higher than I've ever been. I think subsequent pregnancies will be better in that respect because at least I can expect to gain "x" amount of weight. That's another thing...I SWEAR I am NOT eating like a pig. But at my last Dr's apptmt, um...gained 10 lbs. I realized when they ask you when you first go in what your pre-pregnancy weight is...which is always an embarrassing question any way (and really, why cant they weigh you right then...especially if you're just 5 wks along...it's not like you've packed on the lbs yet). But, I STUPIDLY told them the lowest I'd been in recent weeks (but you know how water weight is...one day i'll be 5 lbs heavier...even withOUT a baby) AND that weight is with clothes OFF!! They NEVER weigh you like that at a Dr's office...so that's not fair. It already adds at LEAST 2 lbs. (believe me, i've weighed my clothes to find the ones that weigh the least). So advice to others...LIE about your pre-pregnancy weight...give yourself some padding...or at least, weigh yourself with clothes ON. :) It will make weight gain not as bad...I'm feeling a little better about it (except I hope it quits piling on) and i'm excited that my belly is looking more pregnant now. It makes me proud. ha!

Then I start thinking about the (hopefully) normal things soon to be mothers think about.
- Will I be good at it? They don't come w/ manuals...and luckily I have lots of support around me and my parents don't live far. But III want to be good at it and don't want to have to rely on others.
- I plan on breast feeding. The only thing I'm a little worried about is how much it is going to hurt. Also...
- Am I going to be completely exhausted and overwhelmed? (I know the answer to this is "yes"...) I know at the very beginning the baby feeds VERY often. I usually REQUIRE sleep. I THINK i'll be able push through it, especially since I know it's MY baby that depends on ME. I did ok with my dogs when they were potty training and had to go out all hours of the night...and that was WHILE I was working. SO, I'm thinking i'll be good and just be able to rest when the baby is resting. What do mothers do that have other children already and are expecting or have a newborn?
- I think I'm going to be jealous of my dwindling alone time with my husband. I mean, I'll be so happy, don't get me wrong....but this is a time in our lives we'll NEVER get back, the "just us" phase. I'm excited about new phases...I'm just realizing that this one is coming to an end. I love him so much and love to get as much of his time and attention as possible. I can't believe how much I still want to be around him. ha! I love doing absolutely nothing with him. I love going fishing with him on a whim. I love jumping in the truck because I don't feel like cooking to run to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. EVERYTHING is about to change.
- I'm a little concerned that I'm going to be so exhausted that the cleanliness of our house is going to suffer and the amount of times I cook dinner a week is going to dwindle. I'm not going to be able to do everything I was doing - even if I am staying home with the baby. I just hope men realize it's not an excuse (the baby/exhaustion) and understand that it's not going to be like "normal"...there will be a new normal.

Ok. Phew. Got the worries off my chest. I am really excited about my little baby! I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now...which can't be good for the baby...so I decided to write it and try to let it go and get the ball rolling with things. Except, I think I'm going to put off my to-do list until next week. :)

One really fun thing....Makena is kicking so much! For a while, I just felt flutters....but these are definite KICKS. She's getting stronger and that is so much fun to feel/see! FINALLY I can actually tell there's a baby in there!